I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
high people should be assigned attendants
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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