once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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