is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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