She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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