i need an iv and a liver transplant
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
