So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
