I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
