We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
