a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
