So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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