So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
