Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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