Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
