Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
