Pappa wants mamma naked
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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