They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Swine flu. Run for my life!
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
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Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
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Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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