what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i would one night stand the shit outta him
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
