Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
