She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
soo... how was my night?
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