I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
