hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
