i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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