OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
