Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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