Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
