You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
