My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Is it penis luge time yet?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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