is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
