she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
