his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
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My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
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She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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