so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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