Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
