I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
