i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
