I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
