hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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