what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
