how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
