there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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