Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
