I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
