dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
