Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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