Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
