do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
