we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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