I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
