it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
