You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Is Oprah even human
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
