My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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