Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
