Pappa wants mamma naked
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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