fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
