So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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