she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
