Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
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I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
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I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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