did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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