We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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