I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
