Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
