also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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