yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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