Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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