I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
