I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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