There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
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Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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