somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just wanna soil my oats bro
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You pole danced in your parka.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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