I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
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