your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
