billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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