i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
