Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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