im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
