he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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