Someone shit on the floor
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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